A Letter to Myself on Insecurity

Dear Rylie,

One minute you are feeling seen and known, and the next you are wondering if any human being anywhere in the world at any point in time has ever loved you at all. Why are you believing this lie, beloved?

Choosing exercise in the forms of yoga, running, and surfing doesn’t need to invite a looping soundtrack of negative messaging, telling you the lie that you are not enough. Having a conversation doesn’t need to be a mental game of ping pong between what you think people want to hear and what you really want to say, reinforcing the lie that your voice does not have value. Posting a blog doesn’t need to be followed by holding a magnifying glass to every phrase, believing the lie that you are not a writer.

You are enough, today, already. Your voice has so much value. You are a gifted writer.

I watch you doubt yourself most when you are taking big risks to pursue what you were born to do––free captives, tell stories, bulldoze barriers, sing loudly, foster curiosity, encourage silliness, invite adventure. Drop your anchor in the waters of your creativity and uniqueness, and refuse to let your talents be blown away by the winds of self-doubt.

On the days when people respond differently than you had hoped or expected, know that everyone everywhere gets weary sometimes. They get distracted by stomach aches, to-do lists, and their own dizzying thoughts. Breathe easier with the recognition that not everything revolves around you, beloved, and what a gift that is.

Acknowledge that you are an Enneagram 2, that your biggest desire is to be loved and your deepest fear is that it won’t be so. Give all of that fear a big pat on the back, and send it on its merry way. Cling to the knowledge that you are loved and adored beyond your own comprehension.

Look with wonder on the radiant person that you are and were created to be.

Zoom out for just a moment and notice how damn strong you are for getting out of bed every morning and smiling at each of your co-workers before you’ve had your first sip of coffee. Applaud yourself for giving this day the very best you have today and for having the integrity to try and do better tomorrow. Raise a glass to being a hardworking employee, a thoughtful daughter, a faithful wife, and a consistent friend.

Cheer for yourself.
You are a wonder.
You are loved and seen just as you are, right now.
You have a place here, wherever here might be today.
Your heart is deep and wide­­–its authenticity is a gift that will bless weary souls.
You are healing, always healing.
You are brave and courageous.
You have all you need.
You are loved.
You are cherished.
You are adored.

Hold your beautiful head high, and walk in full confidence that you are enough.

Yours Truly,
A Brave and Gifted Writer

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